Random milestones and "Great Traders".

This post is going to be a little different than most. Probably a bit longer too. Sorry about that.

Ok, first things first: I decided to go "Balls Out" on Non-Farm Payroll this last Friday for my "Mini-Account Challenge" account. I suck, and now I know it. ;-)

I was somewhere around 49th in the standings, now I don't know where I am. I let it run wild all day. I have no idea if I still even have that money. I did it more as a psychological exercise. After putting in the order, I decided to go to work. This was very, very, reckless. But, what it DID DO, was to show me I would survive no matter what happened. Guess what? I'm still alive.

As far as my normal account goes, I wasn't so bold. I am up 2.75% for the month so far. Not too bad.

***As a side note, don't ever try to scalp the market in one of these challenges while quitting smoking. It doesn't work.***

Of course, the quitting smoking is part of why I didn't care what happened. Naturally, I would have loved to come home to a $15,000 profit, but let's be honest here.....it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter for a couple of reasons actually.

Reason #1 is simple. Some idiot is up 478% after one day into the competition. Guess who's going to win it? Besides, I find this a little suspect mainly because I don't see how that could have happened on the 1st. There just doesn't seem like there was enough action. I could be wrong, but this seems suspect. Either that, or I am up against the best traders in the world. (Cough......**bullshit**....Cough.)

Reason #2 is just as "interesting". Last month, on the very last day, suddenly the leader was eclipsed by a huge margin. Not by one trader, but two. I wrote this off as some people closing huge winners at the end of the contest. I thought, "Fair enough".

However, as reason #1 shows.....I am suspect about this. In fact, his name was "Akam IBFX", which makes me even more suspicious. I could be wrong, and I hope I am, but these kind of things smell of conspiracy to me.

I am thinking of using the account to high-leverage scalp only, and not bothering with the "challenge". I like to stay under the radar. I am working on something right now to see if I can turn $250 into $1,000. (A challenge to myself.) So I may keep the account....I don't know.

Ok, on to more important things. (Easy to say since I am finally a consistent winner in my normal account.....I am sure my broker doesn't like that.)

So anyways, I quit smoking. I have now saved over $65 in the first week alone. (Hey....I will have that mini-account money back in like 3 more weeks!) This has been the smartest trade I have made in my entire time trading.

I have traded the cigarettes for the following:

$65 in my first week.
I feel 100 times better in the morning when I wake up.
I actually wake up mentally before noon now.
I get to see my son grow up without a fear of getting cancer.
My mother gets piece of mind. (Who DOES have cancer.)
My house smells better.
For the first time, I actually smelled fabric softener at the end of the day on my clothes. (Who knew it lasted that long?)
Things taste different. (Man, I really love some odd things all of the sudden.)
I am not as pissed off. (This one has really surprised me.)
I can face adversity a little easier. (This cannot hurt trading at all.)

Oh, and a ton of other shit I can't remember.

What a great trade. And to think I was paying for the honor of killing myself. I have decided that if I want to kill myself, I want it to have something to do with explosions, and gardening tools. Death by smoking takes too long, and I hate waiting around.

Another milestone is my first month of being married. It hasn't killed me. Huh.

Oh, and I am through my first full year of trading. To quote a few hippies, "Suddenly it occurs to me.....What a long, strange trip it's been." I don't like that particular band, but they sound like closet traders to me. ;-)

But it really has been an interesting journey. As a trader, you have to really face your fears. I have learned more about myself in the last year than I think I ever have. The profit and loss of trading really isn't about money at all sometimes. Sometimes it is intangibles that suddenly are added to the "Wealth of your existence." There are certain things I have learned that cannot be measured in monetary terms. I have had to take a hard, long look at myself.

As traders, we are the some of the most evolved people on the planet. I truly believe this. Mainly because we delve into the last frontier on a daily basis: Our own psyche. Most of the people walking around really never do this. They never get to know themselves. Sad really, as I believe if you don't know yourself, there are plenty of people out there willing to tell you who you are. (Normally in the form of what to buy, but that's a totally different conversation.)

Friends, this post sadly isn't going to be very technical in nature, but I think somewhere in this rambling there is some knowledge.

However, I have an exercise I think you should try:

List ten things that are truly important to you and why. I'm not talking about things like "To have a bitching car." I'm talking about real things. Things that truly matter. For example, although my mother is getting better, (This time.) one of the biggest things for me is her to be alive in June so she can meet her new grandson/granddaughter. That my friends, truly matters. (And puts that question of "What's the Euro trading at?" in perspective.)

Another thing might be your freedom. I believe that is very important to most traders. However, somewhere in the middle of learning all of this new trading stuff...we forget that the chase for money is about freedom. (In it's purest form.) If you don't understand how money can equate to freedom, you really don't get it. If the trading is all about getting rich, you never will. It's about learning the game, and being rewarded by the dollars. It's a way to measure how you did. Nothing more. Just like having a ton of money just means that you don't have to worry about the cable bill. That's all. It's about freedom.

Besides, I have posted before that if you are sitting in front of your computer 23 hours a day - you aren't free. I don't care if you are making $15,000 a day.....you're still broke. But in a worse way, broke spiritually.

Take the time to work on this list. If trading is one of the first things you list, you may need to rethink what matters to you.

TRADE TO LIVE, NOT LIVE TO TRADE.

Cheers.